Taptaptap…is this thing live?


Hello, there.

If I recall correctly, I’m Sandi, this here is My Blog Thang, and you are my kind and incredibly patient Lovely Readers.

DeltaDawnandLabCat

DeltaDawnandLabCat

Gwen's Toes Wiggle For Joy

Gwen’s Toes Wiggle For Joy

Nice to see you again.

I have been playing catch-up with all my various inboxen, and it turns out I’ve got quite a few messages asking where I am, am I OK, please just blog a few words to let us know, we miss you, we’re concerned….

I am deeply touched by your caring, folks. Waaayyyy down in that place in one’s heart where we are all 10 years old, feeling shaky and nervous about coming back to the playground after being gone for a bit. The what-if-no-one-noticed-I-was-gone place.

You are so kind; I’m sorry some of you were concerned enough to try and get hold of me. Thank you. Xo

I am so grateful for your kindness that I have spent literally the last week writing this post for you. Could it have been shorter? Maybe sí, maybe no.

All that matters is that your caring gives me the energy to Try.

image

Winter Ought To Be A Controlled Substance

Here’s a surprise for you: Turns out I have a wickedly evil case of SAD, aka Seasonal Affective Disorder. You have probably noticed that around the beginning of the year, for three years running (I think), I write a blog post in January~and then I go silent until the sun’s been out for a month or so, around May/June-ish. (Ta-da! Here I am!)

This was a terrible winter for all kinds of places. Here, we had something horrific like 83 days in a row with temps below freezing, sometimes waaaaaayyyyy below. We didn’t have the worst winter out of all cities; but it was the worst winter ever for me.

The Special Lights didn’t help. Daylight bulbs in our ceiling lights, ditto. Meds kept me afloat, but afloat in a very not-Sandi sort of way. In short: Somewhere between minus 27 and minus 13, I lost Sandi.

I can’t really explain the feeling of losing one’s very self, the personality one has become used to, and fond of, more or less. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t do super-creative things like I usually can. I was cranky. I had panic attacks. I was irritable (let’s face it: I was a bitch). I was exhausted all the time, I withdrew, and felt sorry for myself, and I stopped making the bed.

person hibernating

Somewhere along the line, I found Allie’s blog, HyperboleAndAHalf.. Not only did I find her, I found in her a voice that could tell oh-so-vividly what the evil demon Depression feels like. (Allie, all I can say is, thanks for being so damn brave.)

First, have a look at her blog post Adventures in Depression, Part One, and maybe think about it for a while. Then, give Part Two a go, and see how that sits with you.

All I have to say is: What Allie Said.

Also: Depression, You Suck.

The summer solstice has now passed, I’ve had large doses of sunshine, my toes are finally warm, and for a few weeks, I was almost back to my usual sparkly self. I was overjoyed about that, let me tell you.

Personally, I really don’t like wearing the Bitch Tiara.

The last week or three, however, I have noticed myself slowly being sucked under again. Turns out that this time period corresponds to: (a) several Stress Zombie Vultures circling over my house, and (b) me not checking in on my usual Ravelry hangouts, thus getting a wee bit too isolated from the folks who make my life rich and full of Good Things (this, of course, includes you Bloggity Folks, as well!)

Not Good.

I decided to try and claw myself out of this slump. Even though I don’t really feel much like Sandi at the moment, I notice that if I push myself to pick up a spindle or write a bit, it helps. Digging my claws in to climb up takes a hell of a lot of energy, and sometimes more courage than I think I have.

And then I open an inboxen and see another caring note, asking if I am OK.

I wish this didn’t sound so incredibly sappy, but on the other hand, it’s very true right now: You folks, you are the wind beneath my wings, helping me to get enough lift so I can practice my wing-tricks again.

The interesting bit is that as I slowly Claw Upwards, I discover that my creative energy is still there. It went into hibernation for an unbearably awful season, and it’s having a rough wake-up, but, here I am.

Looks like you are stuck with me.

Chispas! The return of!

~ We need a wee giggle after all that soul-baring, methinks. A Tale of Stupid Dog and Helper Dog, by Allie.

~ I became utterly choked with giggling burbling sobs upon reading that one. Here’s why:

20140620-205303-75183418.jpg

~ May I present our very own much-beloved Stupid Dog, Buddy. I tried the exact same tests on Buddy…and he did exactly the same things as Original Stupid Dog (accept no imitations!) Dr. Cutie and I fell to our knees with Silly Cry, and then I witnessed – for the first time ever – Dr C rolling over flat-backed to the floor, Giggling Hysterically whilst pounding the floor (hardwood, nice tone) with both fists.

Good Times.

~ Here’s another Stupid Dog and Helper Dog story. Remember how much fun it was when we moved from Colorado to here in Ontario? Yup. More good times.)

~ Simplest Fudge Ever. Because chocolate is a medical necessity when one is depressed. (The rest of that blog is fairly awesome, too.)

~ This is my newest crush:

20140620-210351-75831642.jpg

His name is Sir Tip, he’s at least 13, and he purrs like an old-fashioned noisy vacuum cleaner. He lives with his family of minions outside of Boston, and one sunny day, he deigned to come snuggle with me, allowing a few Dignified Portraits to be taken.

~ I know I swore I would not take up a new crafty thing, I would not take up a new crafty thing…but stand back, because I’m GoingGnome. You should see what lives with me now. You should see the adorable mushroom that was my first needle-felted work of artsy-crafty. (Actually, you will see all of this, once I get the hang of photos and blogging using The App For That on my iPad.

~ Apparently, I am the first person in the history of Apple Canada to take my laptop in for a wee bit of a hangup and subsequently end up surrounded by Geniuses, all Gawking and saying, I can’t believe your motherboard is completely rotted through! I’ve never seen that happen before! And it was still working? Awesome.

~ No laptop, ergo living la vida iPad.

~ I need a cute baby animal per tradition, don’t I? Hmmm….

Why have one cute baby chameleon…when you can have two more?

Later, gators. I’ve got photos for next time of some happy colorful pretty fun things for you.

And, yes, Her Royal Llamaness sends her love. 🙂

20140623-064824-24504175.jpg

Sir Tip declares that this most certainly IS an extremely dignified portrait. The pose, the expression…one of the Classics in Feline Fine Art.

 

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About sandi

Knitter. Spinner. Quilter. UFO Wrangler. Sometime bead artist and weaver. 2 year-old kittens, 1 permakitten, 2 grownup cats, 1 beloved dog angel, 1 spouse, 1 crazy life. I suppose that the 5 cats make me 1 crazy cat lady; OTOH, apparently, yes, I do need that much feline supervision.
This entry was posted in Animals, Writing and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Taptaptap…is this thing live?

  1. Welcome back, Sandi!

  2. afterhappily says:

    Hi! Love ya! (sunnyday on Rav) Dead serious, I just yesterday dug out my copy of your qiviut shawlette that you autographed at SS and squeed over it. I’ve just been clawing back to craftiness too and although I didn’t feel *too* wrong without it, I feel *so, so right* with my knitting and spinning in my life. All best things to you!

  3. Allie is on of the most healing people/things I have ever found. The fact that she has vocalized MY feelings so well leaves me in awe. While you were missed, part of the problem was that I had withdrawn somewhat myself. I am so happy we are both back! Now I just have to compose my own blog post.

  4. knitwit56 says:

    How wonderful to hear from you! I thought I had a tough winter, but it was nothing compared to yours. I’ve also never suffered from full-blown depression, but have had enough to know how devastating it can be. You are awesome to be sharing some of your struggles with us.

    I could identify with the stupid dog story – hilarious! Our household boasts a stupid cat. Very entertaining.

  5. Aubrey says:

    Hi, kiddo. I’m dealing with a demon or two myself, so I never got around to actually “writing” to you to see if you were OK, but I have thought about you on a daily basis Sometimes more often. Massive hugs. Welcome home.

  6. molly says:

    welcome back! it was an awful winter – long, dark and cold – and i find that many of us with s.a.d. and depression are taking longer than usual to recover…but i’m so happy you’re back! like so many others, i’ve missed you and your writing (and your chispas!)

  7. Patricia says:

    So glad to see you back, Sandi! Have thought of you often over the winter, hoping you were well. Have you been tracking your Vitamin D levels? Low D can cause all kinds of symptoms and problems, depression and MS among them. That’s why sunlight helps with SADD. Love seeing your blog alive again!

  8. Carol Ann says:

    Have thought of you often since last we met over the internets, and I am so glad that you are finding balance and some joy in your life! It can only get better! I look forward to seeing your latest creative thang … you inspire us!

  9. Karen says:

    Glad to see you back again!

  10. Rachel says:

    It’s good to see your fingertips again… you have been missed and fretted over

  11. Ruth Ellen says:

    It’s so good to hear from you. I’ve been checking your site regularly, not trusting the “following” system that you were really this quiet this long. I know about that SAD stuff and it’s the pits! Welcome back.

  12. Donna says:

    Welcome back Sandi! You have been greatly missed. Glad things are getting
    better for you!

    *HUGS* of the virtual kind!

  13. EagleKnits says:

    So glad you’re back! I’ve been checking your blog (and your Ravelry page and Etsy store) hoping for some indication that you are okay. My DH suffers from depression, so I know how debilitating it can be. Looking forward to your next post!

  14. Kathy says:

    Happy Day!!! So happy to see you rising back up from under your cloud!! You have been on my mind as I have been missing you so terribly! Your great sense of humor and perspective on so many things has been greatly missed while you’ve been away.

  15. Holly says:

    You’ve been missed, welcome back

  16. Jess says:

    Got space in the cave for me too? Good, scootch over. 😀

    Tip just had a birthday. He's now the stately age of 15. (And he's gotten brushes every day this week because he misses his minion Sandi. So spoiled.)

  17. elaine says:

    Well, there you are ~ Hi!
    So good to see your name pop up in my in box. Actually did a double take, as it was during this very sleepless morning at about 2:30am, that I thought.. Wonder where Sandi is… So, while I am sorry to hear of the extended ‘snow drift’, but SO glad you are back and smiling with us all!
    Sending Colorado Sunshine Your Way 🙂

  18. Buddhafly says:

    Glad you’re feeling better! Happy Summer! 💗🌞💐

  19. Margo says:

    Welcome back, glad you are feeling better!

  20. Sharon V says:

    So glad to see you are well and, pray that feeling a little more like yourself every day, you can spend some time with us. We’ve missed you dearly!

  21. melanie says:

    Sometimes, Sandi, your chispas are * my* piece of corn.

  22. astrbear says:

    So good to see you again, dahling! Kisses blown in your direction with a big mwah!

    Astrid

  23. Martha Brody says:

    Hang in there, Sistah.

  24. donna lee says:

    I’m glad you are starting to feel like yourself again. I missed you. I do not suffer from SAD or depression but I’ve seen the devastation they can wreak on a person’s life. I’m so glad you found Ally. She makes me laugh out loud pee my pants laugh. She is so good at describing the indescribable. I identify with the special dog who sees rainbows and triangles and rolls around the floor. Sometimes I feel just like that.

    Stay in the light, Sandi.

  25. Molly says:

    It’s always so wonderful to hear from you, Sandi. We do love you, you know. All of us, whether we write to you or not, miss you when you’re gone. And many of us have husbands and roommates that wonder why we’re plastered naked to the big window in the dead of winter. Sunlight is just a really wonderful thing.

  26. Meg Olhasque says:

    I was just thinking about you and Dr C, and I’m so grateful you’re on the mend. Stay calm, stay strong, and know that you are very much loved. xxxMeg

  27. rowsred says:

    I hear you. I really, really hear you. As in, twin sister hear you. I’m glad that you’re re-discovering some of your joy and hope to find more of my own as well. That first step is always the hardest, and then the next. But you’re loved, and that counts for so much.

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